Today I was sitting under a huge Ashoka Tree, basking in the sun and savouring it as winter is slowly spreading a chill here. Ragesri came wafting from inside. I could ask for no more. I shut my eyes and was listening to the music. Life could not get any better. All of a sudden I remembered my plane of existence and my immediate reality was secure, however Mumbai is just trying to find its way out of a catastrophe. Over the years what has grown in me is only numbness. I feel blank and emotionless when such news on terrorism, violence and gory death reach me. In general after years of shedding tears and an anger raging from within at seeing how the world is, I told myself like a realist that things happen, people live, people die. Society is so twisted that there can't be any other way things can head. Although vouching this opinion, I have decided to not be any of those. There is violence, there is greed in everybody to own everything. Even today I tried and tried to kindle some reaction to all of this. But being comfortably far and untouched, I could not stretch my imagination far enough to bring tears to my eyes.
Voices raise against atrocities, but then do they stop? Will they ever stop? The system all over the world in each country is so contrived that these things occur but naturally. This is no justification, yet a fact. Utopia is a myth and will remain so.
I am not numb by choice, I am numb helplessly.
My peace is not my own anymore. I feel angry that I should not be able to enjoy my quiet life without feeling guilty that I am not crying over 100s that get killed in violence of small and large scale man-made calamities.
2 comments:
i like the truth in ur post.
at times even i feel like that...guilt helps me feel better, but at times all this is without any guilt as well.
hey...how did u get to read my blog? i didnt give u the id..i am yet to make it too public
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